16 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
16 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Gisela Huber (name changed) still remembers the morning when she found it. The lifeless body of the man floated in the water in front of her. In the lake where she goes swimming in the morning whenever the weather permits. She knew from the press that the man had drowned three weeks earlier. The trained lifeguard spends half an hour alone in the water with the dead while waiting for help. Ultimately, it is she who pulls the body to the bank with the help of a rope. They never let go of the pictures. “He was really chasing me,” she says of the drowned man. It takes more than four years before she learns that she has post-traumatic stress disorder. “I felt responsible and wanted to avoid it going down again. I know how hard it can be for the family if they cannot bury their relatives, ”says Huber. The first week after the discovery was a disaster.

Human traumas are particularly stressful

” Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychological reaction that can occur after a traumatic experience,” explains Beate Klofat, psychologist and psychotherapist from Hamburg. The traumatic experience can be short-lived, like a serious accident, or longer, like a hostage. Especially after man-made traumas like experiences of violence, the risk of PTSD is particularly high – up to 65 percent are affected by war experiences. “It seems that belief in the good in these people is being destroyed,” says Iris Hauth, President of the German Society for Psychiatry and Psychotherapy, Psychosomatics and Neurology (DGPPN). A causal factor for PTSD may be the stress hormones released during the experience. They prevent the experience from being saved correctly. “The memory, so to speak, is still available as raw material that was not properly packaged and labeled. Therefore, fragments always come back as flashbacks, ”explains Klofat.

HOW TO DEAL WITH TRAUMATIZED PEOPLE - A GUIDE FOR RELATIVES
HOW TO DEAL WITH TRAUMATIZED PEOPLE – A GUIDE FOR RELATIVES

Recurring memories and tension are typical symptoms

Flashbacks as intrusive, painful memories and nightmares are the main symptoms. Those affected cannot differentiate between the here and now and the past. “They experience flashbacks as if they were back in the traumatic situation,” says Klofat. This is what happens to Gisela Huber. If she sees someone with tattoos similar to the one the dead man had, she will immediately be back in the water on that summer morning, she says. She continues to force herself to go swimming in the lake. However, every branch in the water triggers fears. She doubts her own perception. Could it be a human body?
Those affected are often tense and cannot concentrate. “There is often social withdrawal and emotional indifference,” says Hauth, who is the medical director at the St. Joseph Hospital in Berlin-Weißensee.

Gisela Huber senses that she has changed. She is nervous, forgetful and often aggressive. “I was a mystery to myself.” Again and again she goes in search of help – without success.

More than four years pass. In the meantime, she finds another drowned person and sees the body of a man run over by the train. Every experience makes the old trauma flare up again. But her faith supports her. “I had the inner certainty that God would eventually show me the right place to get help.”

Religiosity can actually serve as a protection or support factor in PTSD. Because: “People with a strong social network or those who see a special meaning in life are less likely to develop PTSD,” explains Klofat. However, factors that increase the likelihood of PTSD are, for example, previous crises or existing mental disorders such as depression, explains Hauth.

HOW TO DEAL WITH TRAUMATIZED PEOPLE - A GUIDE FOR RELATIVES
16 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Trauma therapy is helpful

Confrontation is an important part of therapy. Because: Avoiding the memories and not talking about them promotes the stage in which the traumatic memories remain unprocessed. “You can think of the memories as a stack of clothes. These have to be folded into the cupboard so that they don’t fall towards you every time you open the cupboard door, ”explains Klofat. It is important that the therapist specializes in trauma therapy. And Hauth advises: “As a relative, it is important to listen, let the person concerned tell them and respond to their needs.”

Finally, Gisela Huber also begins therapy in a special trauma center. Soon she notices the first successes, she can sleep better. Her greatest wish back then: to be able to live as before the trauma. Today, six years after the end of her therapy, she thinks she has done it. She works in pastoral care and still goes swimming regularly in the lake where she found the body. “I want to encourage everyone to take therapy. Nobody should be bothered with the trauma for a lifetime. ”

There are a wide variety of signs and symptoms that can be shown by someone suffering from PTSD:

  • Feeling upset by things that remind you of what happened
  • Having nightmares, vivid memories, or flashbacks of the event that make you feel like it’s happening all over again
  • Feeling emotionally cut off from others
  • Feeling numb or losing interest in things you used to care about
  • Becoming depressed
  • Thinking that you are always in danger
  • Feeling anxious, jittery, or irritated
  • Experiencing a sense of panic that something bad is about to happen
  • Having difficulty sleeping
  • Having trouble keeping your mind on one thing
  • Having a hard time relating to and getting along with your spouse, family, or friends
16 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
16 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

16 Things To Remember If Your Loved Ones Suffer From Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder

Those who are coping with PTSD will tell you that it is challenging on many levels. Here are 16 things they would like you to be mindful of as you support them in their healing process:

1. Get Educated. If you see the signs and symptoms of PTSD in someone you care about, learn more about what PTSD is, and what it isn’t, as it relates to your loved one’s experience.

2. PTSD: a Chronic or Curable Condition? According to the National Institute of Mental Health, PTSD is a chronic condition that can be managed through various modalities of treatment. With treatment, the effects of PTSD can be reduced and even eliminated, however, memories of the event cannot be erased.

Treatment can help someone regain control over their life from the symptoms of PTSD. It can also help reduce the extent to which symptoms of PTSD interfere with a number of different areas in their life such as work, school, or relationships. That said, it is important to remember that symptoms of PTSD can come back again. Once a person has successfully completed treatment, it does not mean the work is done. It is important that they continue to practice the healthy coping skills they learned in treatment.

3. PTSD is not a choice. Just like other mental illnesses or addictions, it is not something that you “choose” to have or to do to yourself. Use kindness and compassion when someone you know is coping with the PTSD.

4. Let the professionals treat your loved ones. Mental health experts are trained and equipped to handle mental illnesses such as PTSD. They will be able to talk with your loved one with an objective perspective and can utilize the best tools at hand for treating their PTSD. Your job is simply to love them best you can each day.

5. You can’t push, coax, or cajole someone into treatment. This is especially hard for those who are watching folks who are dealing with PTSD. While you can make a suggestion to get treatment or even help them find the resources they need, they have to seek treatment for themselves. We’ve all heard the saying, “You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make them drink…”

6. Understand your loved one’s symptoms and the impact of those symptoms on his or her behavior. What might not seem like a “big deal” to you could be a trigger for your loved one. The more you know about these triggers, the more effectively you can modify routines and avoid them.

7. Recognize if they’re having trouble sleeping. Those trauma survivors who get PTSD are even more likely to suffer from insomnia and nightmares. According to the Department of Veterans Affairs, of those coping with PTSD, 71% to 96% may have nightmares. If your loved one experiences insomnia or bad dreams, reduce the feelings of stress they experience especially before bed (ex. don’t watch the news before going to bed), reduce or eliminate caffeine in the late afternoon and evening, don’t eat too much before going to bed, and create an environment in which they can sleep well and feel safe.

8. Consider getting a therapy dog. A therapy dog can provide a sense of security, calming effects, and physical exercise that can make a positive difference in the life of those that suffer with PTSD. A therapy dog can also help them  sleep better, as the dog can be on guard for them, and wake them up if there is a problem.

9. Don’t ask insensitive questions. Questions about their trauma such as what happened, why it happened or how it happened, can trigger unwanted memories. If a friend or loved one wants to share the experience with you, he or she will do so when the time is right.

10. Honor individual choices. It is important to understand that your loved one’s behavior does not necessarily indicate his or her true feelings. That is, he may want to go out with friends and family but he is too afraid of bringing up upsetting thoughts and memories. If your loved one says no to participating in some event or going somewhere, honor this answer.

11. Anxiety has many faces. Especially for kids, but also for adults, anxiety can look like irritability, and it’s much harder to see it for what it is when that happens, according to Dr. Ruth Hoffman. Rather than responding to their crabbiness with “Where are your manners?” or “You don’t have to be such a grouch about it…” try taking a more compassionate route such as, “Wow, you really seem unsettled, is there something I can do?”

12. Just because you can’t see it, doesn’t mean it’s not real. Each person deals with trauma in their his or her own unique way. Let go of your judgment, and reach for compassion instead as you never know what someone has been through or what they’re dealing with on the inside.

13. Meet them where they are. A person with PTSD still has a range of feelings, she just may not be expressed in the same way or fashion as she did before the traumatic experience. This may look like utilizing different coping mechanisms to operate effectively in the world, mechanisms which aren’t as familiar to you. When you can meet her where she is and rather than “where she used to be,” you can lower your stress and hers.

14. Let them be in control of their choices as much as possible. i.e. Don’t make all the choices for them. Conversely, asking them, “What do you want for dinner?” or “What do you want to wear?” (for kids) etc., can be overwhelming because it presents too many choices to think about.   If there is an obvious thing, like wanting to wear the same outfit over and over (some clothes feel safer than others), or wanting to sleep in the other room, etc., those are not things to argue about. Another approach might be “What can you wear that will feel safe enough, while I wash this other favorite outfit you’ve had on for three days?”

15. Get the support you need. Support groups and/or couples counseling may be a good way to learn how to communicate with your loved one, as well as cope with his or her PTSD symptoms. They may also help you find the best way to encourage your loved one to get help if he hasn’t already.

16. Treat them normally. If your family member or loved one is getting the treatment she needs, great. The best way you can support her as she goes through the healing process is to treat her normally, i.e. don’t walk on eggshells around her or use PTSD as an excuse to coddle her. Listen and love her as she learn how to effectively manage symptoms of PTSD.

Dealing with the effects a friend or loved one with PTSD can bring many tests and trials to even the best of relationships.  It requires learning new things and making changes to old patterns and habits.

The more you know, the better equipped you’ll be to offer emotional support, understanding, patience and encouragement to your loved one on his or her road to recovery.